What about your future ?

May 6, 2011 at 12:12 PM Leave a comment

As I dare to type these few words, I suddenly realize that it has been a good one long year since I last attempted to use this space for writing or reflecting on something. So many things going on my mind right now as I begin to type, hard to believe but, I am still confused if posting this matter or not.


Not that I claim to be gifted like superman, who was souvenir underwear over his pants, but then at one point I was at peak of writing crap and was proud of it, strangely even my reader appreciated it with comments or sometime rotten tomatoes which I devouringly ate.

Interesting I found that one of my reader, informing on the contents of my blog to my parents, no not the CIA; these days they are busy with AL-MUJRA or something. LOL, I could not help but burst into laughter while my parents took turns
blast at me, my not so tech savvy dad and mom had literally brought some pages of my blog as a proof of my misdeed.

They had actually highlighted few words and were sarcastically reading it all out, I especially loved my dad’ dialogue “is this why we send you…. and this is what you along with your friends do? By the way that night was celebration in our colony, so the orchestra of my house was silenced by the fireworks outside, but again this experience is something that I would narrate to my grandkids.

Anyway as of this moment my profile to you is, I am a post graduate student, not doing much and awaiting for my joining date of employment i.e. on June 14th. But sometime the very thought of making a decision of life makes me ponder over many thoughts like many of us,……… is this, what I want to do? Do I want to be recognized as so and so for the rest of my life? Will I fit in? Am I taking the right decision? What if I end up doing nothing? The rosy dream that I saw earlier now seems difficult to achieve.

Uff, too much and too many I must say, moreover not that I disrespect my appa and amma, but then they sometime go way overboard about my future. My mom ever since me getting “Zero” in maths for the first time in 3rd standard, has given-up on me.  Trivia- in my family almost everybody is an engineer and that kind of nut (they might be today working in some field miles irrelevant to engineering) but anyine failing in maths is like Western toilet without tissue paper.

I mean till date, you would find my mom first in a Queue to buy the weekly edition of employment newspaper or first to grab a copy of Government job application for positions such as 2nd division clerk, attendant, receptionist and so on (not that I have little respect for these positions, in fact I firmly believe that every job has its own crucial contribution). But in my case, I felt I could contribute in some other field, can you believe upon my mom insistence I have signed almost 30 applications of these job openings and almost ended up applying for one after I finished my degree.

My mom doesn’t give a damn to the job profile or salary, as long as it is a government job, she would in fact not mind if I were a terrorist as long as government awards me PF, GF, quarters, pension and some type of section supervisor while nearing my retirement.

My Appa on the other hand cold stare whenever I idol and watch T.V, it seems he is “ab tera kya hoga kalia”. Job..Future..Job.. Future, this is all the talk of the town.

Then there are some YO-YO relatives and brain-dead neighbors, acting paparazzi’s of my life, wanting to know what I am going to for living.

I mean all these things are crazy, when can one live like a human, at every point we find ourselves justifying to others for being who we are (usually we call this situation as pressure)…….HI I am student.. Hi I am a government employee… Hi I am retired bank manager… Hi I am priest… Hi I study in school…Hi I am married… Kind of strongly feel that the world has got some epidemic of role disorder or something.. The moment someone say’s “hey cool..As of now I am not doing anything”, people look as though something is abnormal and they either distance themselves or might even disown such people.

When last time I was at New Delhi doing internship, I found though the place was full of people, it whole society had a nuclear family pattern (staying only with the near and dear one’s) and the entire society in this case was disintegrated within itself.

 In a simple example: In Delhi there was this trend of people irrespective of their age, sex, status unknown to one another were popping a music headphones onto themselves. It looked as though they were entertaining themselves but actually they were shutting themselves within a wall from one another. This was one of the biggest cultural shocks for me it was not easy to fit in here and sincerely committed to myself that at any given point of time that won’t be me.

It might be because of this perhaps that though I was in the place for a s short duration was able to so many friends and who till date keep the occasional contact.

Anyway back to my living room at this moment, I have 2 week unplanned vacation ahead, hope it would be of sum learning value, I have not told my parents about it.. Since they would me make carry all that food, luggage and portable life support ventilator and such others. While I still have time left for my own, hope at least this trip would be a worthwhile.

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